You would always be with me
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Kamui is in line for something that he had no idea about. When he finds out what it is, he confronts issues about what he really wants...and if existing is worth the price. (fuuma + kamui)


Disclaimer: X belongs to Clamp. 'Maneater' is by Daryl Hall and John Oates. The song, 'You told me so' is mine!  
  
You would always be with me, (or so I wanted you to believe). By miyamoto yui  
  
I don't know why I was standing in back of a long line. But as the minutes wore on, the line in back of me grew. I stood there not knowing what I was supposed to do, but I knew that standing there may have given me an answer. I was there anyway, so there had to be a purpose right?  
  
Or so I would like to think.  
  
I looked around the tall buildings that looked almost like they were abandoned.  
  
Gray, brown, brick, small, tall, glass.  
  
That's all I could see. I almost laughed to myself. How could I not recognize downtown Tokyo?  
  
It was funny how could someone live somewhere for so long and still be mesmerized by how little they had known along about anything at all. That's how I felt as I stared at the crowded streets with the cars making just about the amount noise as there were people talking before and after me in this line.  
  
I wondered what I was in line for. And when I finally found the patience to just stand there without fidgeting and getting annoyed at the inane conversations some people had around me, I discovered that it was a concert of some sort. I blinked my eyes.  
  
This was really out of character for me.  
  
Why would I be doing this instead of.instead of.  
  
Instead of. .what?  
  
My eyes went from a poster of some advertisement for a new RPG to the ground to the restaurant's sign across the street to the sky and back at my empty hands. That's when I noticed that I was in casual clothing. I wasn't in my school uniform at all. I was wearing a white short-sleeved shirt with jeans and a black belt. I then searched my pockets. The line moved and I took a few steps closer to my goal. Whatever that was.  
  
When I pulled out the piece of paper in my right pocket, I read, "Admit one. Floor, number 41. K's concert."  
  
"'K' ka?" I wondered aloud as I turned the ticket to find no other information but the guidelines.  
  
The line was moving again and I kept on walking until someone came around saying, "Please, no cameras." I shrugged my shoulders. No problem there. I didn't have anything with me, but money to get back to wherever I had to go to afterwards.  
  
I closed my eyes in irritation. What the hell was wrong with me anyway? Had I missed something? Why can't I remember anything?  
  
But it just felt like I had to be here. As to why, I had no idea.  
  
After an hour of trying to get to the front, the guards finally let me go in as I lifted up my ticket for them to see. They smiled and nodded their heads, but I felt like they knew something I didn't. As I turned around randomly, a woman with glasses smirked at me and then looked away to check the other people at the door.  
  
"Go straight," a man with a deep voice and one amber eye said as he took my ticket and ripped it to give me the half I would need later on. When he handed me the ticket, my hand tingled when his fingers brushed against my palm.  
  
I just proceeded to go forward through a door and a crowd of people filling in front of stage that was a few feet over my head. I found myself in what was supposed to be the fourth row back from the front. As I waited there, I looked around. It was still dark, but there were songs playing from some American group on the twenty-four speakers way above my head. But the song didn't fit the mood, making it out of place.  
  
"She'll only come out at night  
  
The lean and hungry type  
  
Nothing is new, I've seen her here before  
  
Watching and waiting  
  
She's sitting with you but her eyes are on the door  
  
So many have paid to see  
  
What you think you're getting for free  
  
The woman is wild, a she-cat tamed by the purr of a Jaguar  
  
Money's the matter  
  
If you're in it for love you ain't gonna get too far."  
  
My eyes kept on wandering back to a man at the back with a gentle looking face. The man with a beige trenchcoat stood to one corner and folded his arms while looking to one side almost as if he were slightly annoyed at the whole predicament. He kept on looking at the door I had come through.  
  
I again paid attention the speakers as I turned around to face the front.  
  
"I wouldn't if I were you  
  
I know what she can do  
  
She's deadly man, and she could really rip your world apart  
  
Mind over matter  
  
The beauty is there but a beast is in the heart."  
  
I looked back to the stage and blinked my eyes.  
  
Nothing was making sense at all, and yet they were. Things here being so dark and lively as more people came in were familiar, yet not so.  
  
"KAMUI! KAMUI!" the crowd shouted. "KAMUI! KAMUI!"  
  
They're shouting as if they're going to crucify someone rather than have a concert.  
  
The stage began to gradually fill with fake smoke. As to where the dry ice came from, I had no idea, but it was interesting to see. The lights became dim, and then they changed to many colors as a voice began to sing,  
  
"Iroirona koto ga aru, demo nanimo.mienai."  
  
As if in slow motion, I saw the figure that the crowd had been looking forward to all night. Here was the man they had paid to see.  
  
The room was pitch dark and then, a spotlight directly shined on the singer in the black leather pants and the tight shirt he had on. Black wings were plastered to his back looking as if they were real. He laid his head down while his right hand held onto the microphone in front of him. Tapping his foot to the beat, his hair blocked his eyes.  
  
The people around me began to jump in excitement and I couldn't understand the commotion, so I joined along.  
  
But when his eyes opened, he looked up and sang,  
  
"Anta ni. Anta ga hoshii."  
  
It was then that I looked up and opened my mouth a bit in shock to say, "Kamui.ka?"  
  
All throughout the night, the concert went nonstop as he went up and down the stage pumping up the crowd. And I was sweating as the place became more and more stuffy. I felt like I was going to faint, but I had to hold on.  
  
In the middle of the performance, he looked directly at me and held his hand out towards my direction.  
  
"Oboeteimasu ka?" he sang as he winked and went to one side of the stage to tease the audience as the guitarist did his solo.  
  
At first, I thought his glances were unintentional, but then, when he held out his hand out, I knew he was singing all these songs to me.  
  
To hurt me. Profusely.  
  
I looked back at the man I had stared at earlier. He was in the back drinking and still wearing that look of frustration as he took glances at the door where I had stepped through.  
  
I wondered when the singer named Kamui would stop torturing me with his songs. I was having fun with the energetic crowd, but I felt like I was becoming smaller and smaller as the night progressed. I knew who he was. And he was amused at the fact that he could hurt me with his smiling and singing.  
  
Then, at the last song, Kamui smirked at my direction and shifted his eyes while looking at the crowd. Holding the mike stand, he said, "I'll sing this last song for you that I created called, 'You told me so'. It's new, but I hope you'll enjoy it!"  
  
As the tune played, my eyes opened slightly. I hummed along and found myself knowing the words to the song.  
  
"Uso to iu da. Anta ga 'Usotsuki' ni naru. Demo, Aishiteru to omotte iru.  
  
Boku wa baka na hito ni natta."  
  
He tapped his foot and looked down at the ground as his hand held the microphone as if he were going to deeply kiss it with his eyes closed.  
  
"They told me I took a step too far, You tell me what you want, I will do anything for you.  
  
Or so you would think, Baby."  
  
He opened his eyes and the tempo went even faster as I saw the sweat on his forehead rain to the ground.  
  
"Love me as you want to, Do all that you want, You promised me You would always be with me, Didn't you?"  
  
Holding out his hands towards my direction, he whispered,  
  
"Yakusoku ga aru, demo oboteimasuka? Dou sureba ii to itta, Demo kotae ga nai."  
  
Looking away, held out his hands at each side of him and kept on tapping his foot to the fast beat.  
  
"We were children deceived. They said there was no need to worry, When they carved our future out for us. What use is being called human When you can't choose your fate?  
  
I bleed because I want to feel, But everything's so cold, I can't tell if I'm me anymore.  
  
Love me as you want to, (I want you to burn me.) Do all that you want, (Kill me if it's true.) You promised me (scar upon my being) You would always be with me, (or so I wanted you to believe) Didn't you? (Humans are born to lie to one another.)  
  
Tell me anything, And I've believed it Because you told me so.  
  
You told me so."  
  
He then bowed and smiled at the crowd as the song ended. "Domo arigatou!" The crowd screamed and he left the stage just like that.  
  
As I turned around, a man with a blank face and white hair tapped me on the shoulder. "Please come with me," he said.  
  
I followed him to the back and he opened the door before me. Ushering me in, he said to the person in the room, "I've escorted him."  
  
"Thank you," said the singer as he turned around in his chair and the one who had taken me to the room closed the door behind him.  
  
"It's been a long time.Kamui."  
  
My eyes became slits and I lifted my chin to stare at the devil he had become.  
  
"Okay, now that you've had your fun, I'll be happy to leave this illusion now," I said while my teeth grit in hate. "NOW, FUUMA."  
  
He laughed as he pulled my hand and sat me on the counter before him. "Stop calling me that. You know that isn't my name, my dear Kamui. There's only one Kamui anyway."  
  
"That's right. And that's me!" I shouted as I was about to hit him, but he took a hold of my hands.  
  
His hands locked onto my wrists as he pressed them onto the corner. "I've been wanting to play with my toy. I've missed you for so long."  
  
As his fingers trickled themselves slowly to my leg, I eyed him harshly. "Let me go," I warned.  
  
"What? You're not happy to see me? You come back to Tokyo and I can't give you a proper welcome, especially since Kotori can't do it anymore?" His eyes darkened as his smile became more sinister. "But you got rid of her, didn't you Kamui?"  
  
"I didn't kill Kotori!" I shouted back.  
  
Raising his hand over to my shirt, he made his way underneath it. I felt his warm touch over my stomach and I stared at him in horror.  
  
Was this really the friend that I had loved for so long? Why couldn't I accept that he would no longer be who he was.  
  
Why couldn't I accept that I would never be the same either.  
  
He began to pull down my zipper as he kissed my stomach. Nibbling my skin while lowering himself lower and lower, I was confused on what I wanted.  
  
He was like a brother to me. But I wanted him to love me.  
  
Even like this. How pathetic at how far I wanted to break my own heart with his caresses.  
  
Caught between wanting him to touch me and not, I gripped his hand. "Stop this, Fuuma!"  
  
At that moment, I spat at him. And he just wiped his cheek as he pounced up to lick my cheek as if I were the one that had been spat on. Shaking my head from side to side, I tried to get away.  
  
But, all I could do was wrap my arms around him in desparation. Grabbing his face between my hands, my eyes closed slightly as I looked back at him. "Fuuma, have you really forgotten about me?"  
  
"You were the one who wanted to forget us, Kamui! And stop calling me Fuuma!" he shouted as he tried to push me away.  
  
I wrapped my arms tighter and around his shoulders as I whispered, "Fuuma, don't you love me anymore?"  
  
"KAMUI!!!" he shouted in confusion.  
  
"My wish is so simple. I just want you and Kotori happy.can't you help me?"  
  
He tried to push me away again as he failed to shake his head from side to side. "AAAHHHH!!!!"  
  
At that moment, I kissed his forehead as the scene before us disintegrated.  
  
"If we had lived in a different lifetime, would things have still been the same?" I asked aloud as I looked at him.  
  
He pushed me away and I fell to the ground still looking innocently up at him.  
  
"IF I DIDN'T EXIST, WOULD YOUR LIFE HAVE BEEN BETTER, FUUMA?! IF THAT'S SO, AND YOU AND KOTORI WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY, THEN I DON'T WANT TO EXIST!!!!"  
  
I held out my hands as I found the old Fuuma looking at me with a confused expression. As we were driven apart by space and time, I was touched to see.  
  
.he was holding out his hand to me too.  
  
He opened his mouth to say something, but the wind was too loud, so I couldn't read his lips.  
  
"Shiritai!" I whispered.  
  
I opened my eyes to find myself staring at the white ceiling of my room. My eyes filled with tears as they fell to each side of my face.  
  
The door opened and Subaru walked into the room. My eyes shifted themselves to look at him. Gripping the sheets to each side of me, I said, "I won't accept defeat."  
  
There's still hope.  
  
He came to sit by the bed to see how I was doing, but didn't say anything to me. No words of comfort or words to console me. Maybe it was for the better.  
  
I then found myself clinging onto his black sleeve. "I had a nightmare."  
  
He nodded his head in understanding, but my heart hardened.  
  
Subaru had changed in some way also though I couldn't say what it was. His look of exhaustion and irritation with the world.  
  
.looked almost like guilt.  
  
As I sat up, I thought, "You'd understand me if I told you what happened in my nightmare. Vision.or whatever it was called. I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse, but it gave me hope."  
  
I then laid my forehead on his shoulder. I want to tell you so much.  
  
But as my mouth was opening, I immediately closed it.  
  
Closing my eyes wanting not to cry, I couldn't say anything. When I had finally begun to understand that changes like this in my life were supposed to be normal and that I should deal with them accordingly, I wanted to make new dreams. I wanted to see why I had been limited to one wish. .and should I have changed the one I already had?  
  
That's how life is. It changes like waves of water. Each one so different and unique.  
  
Holding onto his arm, some of my hope faded away again.  
  
You and Fuuma are the same in some way. So far away from me.  
  
Subaru, you have the smell of cherry blossoms all over your body. That's why you won't ever comfort me.  
  
But, I found myself hugging him anyway even if it was painful.  
  
I just want to hang on after I've lost everything.  
  
"Fuuma." was the only thing I could say at that moment.  
  
And it felt enough, yet not so.  
  
Owari. -- Author's note: Okay Rhole-chan, I hope you enjoyed this because it's what you were asking for. ^_^ But I had such a hard time since you wanted lime with little angst. @_@ Totemo muzukashii da yo!!! 'Nani wo shiyou?!' to omotte imashita. * sighs * But, I got out of my writer's block. How do I make it to what she wants but also not to make it cliché? AU! Well, almost. I hope it wasn't too much of a problem. I modeled this after seeing the B'z concert in Hollywood last Tuesday. ;_; What a wonderful experience. I've never been to a concert and I'm a bit claustrophobic, so I'm surprised that I had a great time. I'm sorry that this is weird and for my mediocre Japanese. ^^;;;;  
  
Translations: 'k' ka? - k? shiritai - I want to know  
  
Song: "Iroirona koto ga aru, demo nanimo.mienai." Lots of things exist, But nothing.I can't see."  
  
"Anta ni. Anta ga hoshii." To you. I want you.  
  
"Uso to iu da. [Something] called a lie.  
  
Anta ga 'Usotsuki' ni naru. You become a 'Liar'.  
  
Demo, Aishiteru to omotte iru. But, I thought, 'I love you'.  
  
Boku wa baka na hito ni natta. I've become a stupid person  
  
"Yakusoku ga aru, A promise exists.  
  
demo oboteimasuka? But do you remember?  
  
Dou sureba ii to itta, Said 'what do I do?'  
  
Demo kotae ga nai. But there is no answer." 


End file.
